Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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