I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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