Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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