ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize