dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
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Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
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I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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