you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
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