he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
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You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
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Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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