Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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