my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
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Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
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Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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