I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize