The maid of honor just puked.
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
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I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
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That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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