I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize