Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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