Soap is not a condiment
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Randomize