literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
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It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
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I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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