I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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