I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I stole a fireplace last night.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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