You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
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I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
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And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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