the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
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It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
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You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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