Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize