I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize