the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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