apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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