your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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