She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I think my moral compass just broke
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize