Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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