So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize