I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
The police scanner is talking about you again....
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize