the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
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I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
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Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
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