But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
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when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
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I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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