Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
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