I didn't shave. On purpose
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize