I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
πππ what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize