Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize