the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize