Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
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The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
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