I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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