Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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