Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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