You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
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You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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