At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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