Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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