you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize