i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
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