Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
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