Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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