last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
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God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
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Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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