..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
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My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Green mimosas i think yes
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
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He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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