Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
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When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
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At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Will exercising make me less horny?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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