I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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